Category : Real Fake News

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New App Connects Users Too Tired To Get Out Of Bed With Gig Worker Who Will Turn Off Their Lights

SAN FRANCISCO—Touting the on-demand service as a great convenience for anyone who finds themselves exhausted at the end of a long day, a widely hyped new startup unveiled an app Tuesday that connects users who are too tired to get out of bed wi...

Small Group Of Parents Explains Why They Are Responsible For 60% Of Book Bans

After analyzing over 1,000 attempted book bans filed in 37 states, a new study found that the majority were initiated by an extremely small and extremely vocal group of individuals. The Onion asked these individuals why they work so hard to ban bo...

Elon Musk Axes Twitter Election Integrity Team Ahead Of 2024 Elections

Elon Musk has reportedly fired the election integrity team at X, formerly known as Twitter, less than a month after pledging to expand the safety and elections teams. What do you think? “He’s still allowing the election, so what’s the problem?” Ja...

Home At Last!

Profoundly warm and inviting, this perfect residence has everything you desire. Sounds expensive, right? Well, rejoice, for your true home is not an opulent building of brick or wood, but rather a state of mind: comfortable, secure, and forever...

Federal Government Announces They’ve Hidden Briefcase Full Of Slavery Reparations Somewhere In Continental U.S.

WASHINGTON—Rolling out a new initiative to provide the financial restitution long advocated for by the Black community, the federal government announced Tuesday that it had hidden a briefcase full of slavery reparations somewhere in the contine...

Man Indicted In 1996 Murder Of Tupac Shakur

More than 25 years after the killing of Tupac Shakur, a self-described gang member who has repeatedly proclaimed that he participated in the drive-by shooting of the rapper has been indicted on a murder charge. What do you think? “Indicting the ki...

New ‘Great British Baking Show’ Season Breaks Boundaries With First-Ever Yorkshire Pudding Contestant

BERKSHIRE, ENGLAND—Hailing the competitor as a welcome addition to the show’s lineup, the new Great British Baking Show broke boundaries this week with its first-ever Yorkshire pudding contestant. “After 14 seasons, it’s high time that we had a...

54-Year-Old Facebook User Wins Nobel Prize For Own Extensive Internet Research Into Dangers Of Covid Vaccine

STOCKHOLM—Lauding the man as one of the greatest minds working in medicine today, the Royal Swedish Academy of Sciences reportedly awarded 54-year-old Facebook user Darren Weston the Nobel Prize Monday for his own extensive internet research in...

Report: U.S. Economy Loses $5 Billion Every Year To Americans Rising For National Anthem

WASHINGTON—Concluding that the patriotic gesture was a significant drain on the country’s resources, a new report out Monday from researchers at Georgetown University found that the U.S. economy loses $5 billion every year to Americans rising f...

Grandma Scammed By Every Piece Of Technology In House

SPRINGDALE, UT—Claiming the overly trusting elderly woman was being taken advantage of more and more, family sources told reporters Monday that grandmother Gladys Murphy had been scammed by every piece of technology in her house. “I don’t know...

Sex Moves You Should Never Try To Copy From Porn

Porn, in all its hairless, vaguely consensual glory, gives everyday Americans an unrealistic view of how disgusting sexual intercourse really is. While you may think you look like the MILFs, naughty stepsons, or barely legal teens that you see on...

Wyoming Announces It Now Adults Only

CHEYENNE, WY—Noting that the new legislation would go into effect almost immediately, Wyoming officials announced Monday that the state would now be adults only. “Wyoming is now a child-free zone,” said Gov. Mark Gordon (R), explaining that chi...

Fox News Host Outraged By Viral Video Of Mob Of Thugs Using Coupons To Save Money

NEW YORK—Saying the footage clearly showed the chaos that Democratic leadership had created in cities across the country, Fox News host Jesse Watters expressed outrage Monday at a viral video showing a mob of thugs using coupons to save money....

ESPN’S ‘NFL Live’ Spends Full 10-Minute Segment Meticulously Breaking Down Player Running In A Straight Line For 3 Yards

BRISTOL, CT—Viewers of the nation’s leading sports network were treated to a brilliant display of analysis Monday when ESPN NFL Live spent a full 10-minute segment meticulously breaking down a player running in a straight line for three yards....